I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
A Streetcar Named Marge
Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
- How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
- Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
- Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Bart the Daredevil
Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Me fail English? That’s unpossible. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. D’oh. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
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